Episode Transcript
[00:00:12] Speaker A: Hi, Roots and Wings family. Welcome to episode three. Today we are going to be discussing audacity.
What does audacity mean? So I just want to start off by saying that audacity typically has a negative connotation associated with the word. Right? Like, when we think of, like, somebody with audacity, like, we always think of, like, some. Some type of tea, right? Like, I don't know, like somebody drinking the last of your orange juice, but, like, putting it back in the fridge. The audacity.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Or when you show up late to work with a nice coffee, the audacity. Right, like, right in front of your
[00:00:44] Speaker A: boss, like, hey, in the morning, audacity.
So, yeah, so we typically think about audacity with a negative connotation, but today we kind of want to talk about it a little bit differently, a different perspective to give you today.
[00:00:56] Speaker B: Yeah, we want you to be able to. To have the audacity without going straight to it being a negative connotation in your mind or holding you back from having the audacity because you feel judged or like you're going to be looked at in a negative light or like somebody's gonna talk.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Talk about you and be like, the audacity. Right. Which is not always a bad thing.
So we kind of want to start off by just giving some examples that we looked up about the definition of audacity. So one definition is courage or confidence that other people find shocking or rude, not being afraid of consequences or disregard for conventional thought.
But essentially, I think what all that means is that audacity is basically boldness, right? And I think that the world rewards audacity because the more audacious you are, the more fearless you are, if you use it in the right way, could be a. Could be a really good thing, right?
[00:02:01] Speaker B: Yeah. And I teach this a lot with my clients, like stepping into an unapologetic energy, right? Stepping into your true, authentic self. It takes having the audacity because you've been living in a space of maybe for you it's a shadow, or maybe for you it's being dimmed down and being afraid to shine your light, right? Like we always talk about, dim yourself, don't make yourself small. And we walk around, especially as women in a society with the patriarchy and all these things that we consider before we step forward, we want to shatter that for you, or we want to at least start to change your perspective of how you view that and how you can view yourself. Stepping out into the world, into a relationship, friendships, family, with having the audacity because what happens is the more you dim your light, the more you make yourself smaller, you lose yourself, you lose parts of yourself. It's a slow spiritual death when you do that. And we want you to be able to, like, shine. As corny or as cliche as that is, you deserve to shine. So having the audacity is not anything negative. It's actually stepping forward into a strong self concept and just letting people around you see that.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: I think that if you have like a thought that kind of like, makes you cringe inside, like, oh, like, should I do that? What are people going to think of me? Like, I think you just go for it, right? And like, like frame your mind. Like, I'm going to have the audacity
[00:03:21] Speaker B: to do this shit.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: See what, we'll see what happens because I better. It'll be pretty great.
[00:03:26] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Because being bold and having the audacity and being emotionally dysregulated and just being loose, they're two very different things, right? So if you have that feeling in your gut, like, oh, I feel so nervous, should I say this or should I do this? It's always important to check in with yourself, like, how am I stepping forward? Like, how, how would I view myself in this way? So when you are step. When you're, when you're doing this and it's new to you and you feel nervous, you always check in with yourself, like, does this feel good to me? Does it feel scary? Scary is different than being emotionally dysregulated. You feel fear because you're not used to it. Not because, like, you're fucked up or you're loose or you're dysregulated or, you know, you're just like, sloppy. That. That's not it. Being bold and having the audacity is being true to yourself. And, and sometimes we're afraid to be seen, we're afraid to be heard. And that's what we're pushing you. That's where we're pushing you forward.
[00:04:21] Speaker A: It's essentially courage.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: The courage to be seen, the courage to want more for your life, the courage to ask for help or ask for opportunity, especially as women, especially, like in the finance world. Like, I think that, like, women are less educated. Well, we're becoming more educated, but just typically.
And I think that like the fear of finances or having a conversation about finances, we can feel really, really timid about.
But I think that we should shift that perspective because I think the more audacious we are with our questioning and our asking of things like, honestly, we'll get more information. You know, we'll get more information. We'll know how to manage our finances more. You know, we can have expressive, truthful conversations about, like, where we are with our finances or what we're planning to do. And like, maybe having those conversations, we can actually get the appropriate guidance that we need that we typically wouldn't get because we're shy about talking about our money or something like that. You know, just an example that came to my head just now.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Yeah. And just knowing what you want, right. How many times do you step into a situation, whether it's love, career, finance, a friendship, and you were dimming yourself down, or you. You weren't exactly comfortable with being seen or heard or speaking your needs, and then all of a sudden, like, you're in it and you're like, wait a minute, how did I get here? How many times have you felt that? So if you learn to have the audacity, and when I say learn, it's. It's a learned behavior. It's a habit. So you're going to feel uncomfortable in the beginning. And it's just like setting boundaries. Like, the more you set the boundaries, the easier it feels to do it, Right? So the more you become audacious, the more audacity you have and the courage and the boldness, the more comfortable you will. You will be in that role. So when you step into a career or you're discussing something with your boss or a financial situation and you speak your needs, you're going to come from a place of strength instead of being scared, timid and afraid of rejection, right?
[00:06:09] Speaker A: Yeah. So there's so much power in knowing what you want.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: Like, so clarity is like the green light. Being clear and be and knowing what you want and not being afraid to say it, it's a green light.
[00:06:20] Speaker A: You know, that just made me think of Cardi B. Like, for example, like, Cardi B. Is like, whatever. Like, she's super controversial, right? But she's funny as, she's real as, and she has a lot of audacity. And look what she got. Look where she at. Yeah, look where she came from. Look where she at now. And it's honestly all because of her audacity. If you really think about it at its root, go for her.
[00:06:41] Speaker B: Also, like, the fear, the fear of you being judged is what really holds you back. And I need you to know this.
No one can judge you if you're not judging yourself.
So judgment comes from you first. Like, oh, are they Going to say this about me? Are they going to talk about me? Are they going to start a rumor about me? Are they going to perceive me this way? When you start out in something, afraid of how you're going to be perceived, you allow that external so the person, the situation, the circumstance to control you.
And that is like you have a flame of audacity. You just put it out. Yeah.
[00:07:15] Speaker A: You got in your own way.
[00:07:17] Speaker B: Totally.
[00:07:17] Speaker A: We get in our own way a lot and, and having the audacity is knowing that we have that potential. But we're like putting that to a side and we're just like forgetting about being in our own way and just like going for shit. Just going for it.
[00:07:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: I think like another way to honestly be more audacious is just knowing that like you don't have to be 100 qualified for something and you don't have to be 100% ready. I think that that also can stop us sometimes too. Like if we're applying for a job and we don't feel fully qualified, just apply, just apply for the job.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: Just, just.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: And if you get an interview, even better. Just go for the interview and like be as confident as possible and really, I guess like harp on like whatever qualities you have and like see what really happens. Like have that audacity. You may not be 100% qualified, but, but if you show up and mommy, Mama, Iris, thank you. Mommy always tells me, like, just show up. Just show up and let the rest work itself out. And it's true. Like having the courage to just show up even when you don't feel 100%, don't wait for that 100%. You know, just, just do it.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: You'll never be 100% ready for anything. So just that you might as well just like throw that out. You'll never, you'll never be there.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: But like we often think about that,
[00:08:25] Speaker B: you know, like just keep waiting, waiting to start. You keep waiting for the pass. You keep waiting for the okay. You keep waiting to be 100% ready. That's how you get stuck in waiting energy. This is all.
So this whole conversation is all aspects of how do you self sabotage and the way that you stop self sabotaging, which people ask me this all the time. I can't get out of my own way. I keep hitting a brick wall. Like all of these things. This is how you do it. You do it scared, you do it unready.
You don't have to be unprepared. Okay? You're not going to be 100% qualified for something. I don't know. How do you know that? How do you know that? How do you know that? Maybe their qualifications were 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And when you got there they were like, wow, you're the whole package up to 10. How do you know?
But if you keep rehearsing, like, oh, I gotta wait till I'm ready. Oh, I'm not 100 ready. Oh, I'm this, that, that. And you have all these stories in your head holding you back.
Come on, you're going nowhere.
[00:09:19] Speaker A: Yeah, that's happened to me a lot, way too many times. Yeah, it's happened. I know. It's definitely happened to all of us. Something that we can all relate on. But I'm just like, as I'm hearing you speak, like I'm reflecting on like the ways it's happened to me and I'm just like, damn, girl, like, what are you wearing? A little more audacious in that moment.
But I think that like, yeah, just, just going for, going for what you want and having the courage to go for what you want, like it's honestly also not going to be received well by everyone. And it's important to be prepared for that too. Right. You know, like not every. There's going to, there's going to be haters. But like as my music engineer says, if you don't have haters, you're. You're doing something wrong.
[00:09:57] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, and you don't need to be accepted. Like the only person that has to accept you is you. So at the end of the day when you're sitting by yourself and the noise is quiet and everybody goes home and you're facing yourself, you versus you, that's the person you're supposed to please. That's the person you're supposed to say like, Lane, you did a job well done today. Like, I'm proud of you or what could we do differently tomorrow? How could we have shifted this situation? How could your self concept get stronger here? That's the person that you link with. That's the person who has to prove of you. So when you step out again in this world, how do you feel inside?
And like the therapeutic term to this is like nervous system regulation. Right. Because we want you to be regulated so that you can take a chance, you can step out. You're not viewing situations through like a trauma wound or the situation you've been through before and now you're afraid it's going to happen again or all that stuff is normal. It's going to rehash in your head. But now that you have a different level of experience and a different connection with yourself, you can say that was the old me. That was the old story I used to tell. I'm not her anymore. So I'm going to do this confidently and I know that it's going to be a success. That's the only measure of progress you should be focused on.
[00:11:12] Speaker A: It's true. You versus you. That's, that's. I feel like that's always, that's always a constant battle, I think for the rest of our lives. Like if there's always going to be some way, shape or form where we have to like level up and we have to be challenged from versus our old patterns, our old ways to like whatever we're trying to then develop. Like, I feel like that's like a reoccurring thing. Like I'm always reparenting myself.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: And sometimes I hate it because I'm like, damn. Like why can't I just do this?
[00:11:35] Speaker B: Like, I definitely just want to do
[00:11:36] Speaker A: this and have absolutely no consequences. But like that's not the way life works.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: So I mean that would be lovely.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: I got to be like, but don't know.
[00:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah. But like over time, like you get sick of it. You get tired of not having the audacity. I know I do. Like if you get tired of being like the vic, like the, the opposite of, of the opposite.
The person who doesn't have the, the audacity is in a victim mindset, is in a victim space, victim consciousness, whatever you want to call it. Right.
So you should get tired of that. I hate the word should. Like, I hate throwing that out. But you should get tired of saying the same thing over again.
Doing the same thing.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Making excuses.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: Making excuses. What you're not doing.
[00:12:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: You don't, you don't look at yourself and you're like, what now?
Like what limitation am I gonna cook up now?
Why can't I do that now?
[00:12:26] Speaker A: But you know people who lack self awareness do that.
[00:12:29] Speaker B: I know they don't see that. They just got a bunch of excuses
[00:12:32] Speaker A: stored in their head.
[00:12:32] Speaker B: They're like, valid, valid, valid. You, you're the problem. Valid, valid.
[00:12:36] Speaker A: And you're just sitting there like, okay, okay.
[00:12:38] Speaker B: No, keep going. Get sick of your own shit.
Okay? That's how you make progress. Get sick of your own shit. Have a self talk. I don't like this anymore. What are we doing differently? Yeah. How can I change?
There's a quote and it's my I, I skeev. Well, I'm disgusted by it. That's just how I am. Right. The worst thing.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: That you could ever say, oh, well, that's just how I am. That's just how I am. So you're just going to skate your whole life? That's just how I am.
Like, everybody around you is doing some type of self growth, self work, I don't know, leveling up, whatever you want to call it, and you're just like, that's just how I am.
[00:13:14] Speaker A: Honestly, that's a disservice to you and for everybody who loves you.
Honestly, that's just how I am. You got to take accountability. It's important. And you gotta, you gotta take risks. Everything is a risk. Everything. I've been kind of like trying to look at things like, everything as like, risk versus reward. And like, if I feel like the risk is too much, I'm not gonna, like, I'm not gonna with it. If the risk is like, not worth, like the reward or. I don't know if I'm saying it right, but if it's too much of a high risk that I'm not willing, I'm not gonna take it.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: But if it's an emotional intelligence, like you're able to say, okay, if I do this, the reward is nowhere near what the risk could possibly be. So I'm not going to go there. I'm gonna do that instead. Because you know what? Maybe it's a little less risky, but the reward, maybe even a little less. Right.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: A little less fun too, but.
[00:14:01] Speaker B: Right. A little less fun, a little more disciplined. Like, okay, feel that disappointment and keep it moving.
[00:14:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:07] Speaker B: Because that's how you get what you want.
At the end of the day, that's how you get what you want. You avoid all the, the obstacles and the wrong pathways and whatever, whatever road you're taking, like, think of it through an emotional intelligence lens. Just like you said. You're not taking, it's. You're not taking a dumb risk.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: Yeah, basically.
[00:14:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:28] Speaker A: It gets to a point where you just can't afford it. Like maybe in your, like, early 20s, like for me, like in my early 20s, like, all right, whatever. Like, I can make all the dumb decisions, but, like, if I keep making dumb decisions as I go into my 30s, like, what am I really doing, honestly? Because what am I going to, what am I manifesting by. By doing stupid shit constantly? Even if I'm aware of it, if
[00:14:46] Speaker B: I keep doing this and I'm even
[00:14:47] Speaker A: aware of it, that I start to feel crazy?
[00:14:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:50] Speaker A: Isn't that crazy?
[00:14:51] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, that's.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: That's the negative way of audacity.
[00:14:54] Speaker B: That's like, why.
[00:14:55] Speaker A: That's audacity.
[00:14:57] Speaker B: No, no, it's not audacity in a bad way. It's audacity in a sloppy way. Right. An uncontrolled way, an undisciplined way. The best thing you can do for yourself is train your mind. Like, how many people do you see in the gym? Right. Oh, I got to make sure my gains, my ass. Protein, fiber, water, all these things. Peptides. Right. All of these things. And their emotional intelligence is like, the bar is in hell.
You do you think you're the complete package when you're like that. So you look good. Right. So you're disciplined physically, but your emotional intelligence is in hell. The bar is that low.
So you're. What you're doing differently is you're seeing yourself holistically now. Like.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: Like if I'm a character in a movie.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: Yeah. And it may be appealing to do something, like, more exciting.
Right. Everybody want what they can. Yeah. Everybody that might spark you to want to do that. But at the end of the day, now you're saying to yourself, like, maturity wise, where am I going with this?
[00:15:55] Speaker A: What's really gonna happen if I do that?
[00:15:57] Speaker B: Yeah. And time flies because you're 20. What are you, 28 now? Yeah, it's 28 now, girl.
[00:16:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:04] Speaker B: Yeah, time flies.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: Time to make a little bit more responsible decisions.
No, but it's imperative, right?
[00:16:13] Speaker B: It's imperative for our future.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: That's why I tell myself, like, my future's on the line if I keep doing this.
Somebody also told me back to. I want to circle back to the being understood piece. I was having a conversation recently with someone, and they told me, like, why do you seek so much to be understood by others? You know, like. And I think that this is something that has stemmed from my, like, family upbringing. Like, I think I wanted so bad for certain family members to understand me and to just, like, accept me or understand, like, why I made certain decisions. And it's like, they weren't. So I was driving myself crazy trying to, like, explain myself, talking to a wall. And it's like, where is that really getting me? It's just making me, like, waste energy. It's making me sad, making me disappointed.
I don't know. It doesn't help with my confidence. And some. And. And I think that person was right. Like, why are we seeking so much to be understood by people who just, like, are committed to misunderstanding us?
[00:17:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:05] Speaker A: You know, like if they're committed to misunderstanding you, they're going to misunderstand you no matter what. So honestly, what is the point?
[00:17:10] Speaker B: I think that also really, not to be all psychoanalytical here, but I think that also goes back to like your level of self trust. Because if you have a high level of self trust, it's not that you don't care about being misunderstood, because like, that's another thing. This is a sidebar. I am turned, getting turned off by how many people are talking about, like, oh, I don't give a fuck anymore. Like, I don't care. Unbothered.
They're all using it. Not all, but a lot of people are using that in a way that's trendy and not true to the self. So you can talk about being unbothered and like, you don't give a flying fog all these things, but you really are bothered, so you're just screwing yourself. That's like a little sidebar. But anyway, let me get back to you.
The self trust, if you have a solid level of self trust, the opinions of other people, they fall away. Like there's. You can't control another person so they can perceive you, look at you a certain way, judge you or misunderstand you. But as long as you're locked in with you and you trust that the decisions that you're making or the path that you're taking, the energy that you're giving off is true to who you are, you don't, it's almost like you don't even pay attention to it. So that's like the real deal. Unbothered is indifference, right? It's not, oh, I'm unbothered by him, but now I'm, I'm like checking my phone 50 times if he texted, right? That's not. You could say that all you want, but when you have a high level of self trust, you're, you're just leaning on you.
So I think you're developing that.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I feel like I am. And I think, and my question was going to be like, how can I do more of that? I know that it's like baby steps, right? Everything is just like from one thing to the other, just like that. But like, you know, I guess maybe just having like structure, right? Just having like discipline. Just saying what you mean, meaning what you say to yourself, right?
[00:18:54] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's, it's the follow up after, right? So if you have the audacity or you set a boundary or you talk about something and you start to say to yourself, like, oh, God. Like, did they misunderstand me? Like, did I make myself clear?
How are they perceiving me? Should I? Was I too much?
When you start to have that internal dialogue, that's where you stop yourself and, like, throw in one mantra that you could just say in that moment.
So your brain gets used to replacing the negative self talk with that one mantra. Like, I am safe.
People love to listen to me. People love to hear what I say.
Like, I can continue to shine. Like, I'm safe right now.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: Like, you just replace what. What happens is when we ask those questions, like a negative self dialogue, it's like you're really looking for safety because you don't feel safe doing something different.
[00:19:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: It's not about being incapable. It's, like, not feeling safe. So you always come back to, like, a baseline of safety. And then your brain's like, okay, every time she has the audacity, or every time she says no and she means it, or every time she sets a boundary, boom, she is safe. The brain will pick up on that eventually. Eventually.
Yeah. You're retraining your brain.
[00:20:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: So you just keep saying, I am safe. Like, I am safe to shine. I'm safe in my. My energy. I am beautiful. You know, whatever you want to say.
Your brain will go to that over time if you persist in that.
[00:20:20] Speaker A: Yeah. You got to be consistent. Just like everything in life. It's a practice.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:20:24] Speaker A: Honestly.
[00:20:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:25] Speaker A: But I think that's a. Think that's what we have for you today, folks.
[00:20:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:30] Speaker A: Thanks so much for tuning in.
And do you want to say anything for your. Do you have anything going on for your business in June?
[00:20:37] Speaker B: In June, I have monthly workshops with my court, with my Courtney, with my Courtney. My bestie, Courtney Stevenson, is a fellow coach.
We do monthly embodiment workshops. So if you want to follow me at. Ask Elena. I'm on Instagram TikTok, and we do all of our promotion and sharing over there, so we would love to have you.
[00:20:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: If you want to join.
[00:20:57] Speaker A: Yes. I. I'm also pursuing my music journey, and I'm coming out with some new music this month, so tune in. My artist name is Lolina.
[00:21:04] Speaker B: So exciting.
[00:21:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Take care, everyone.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: Bye.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: Go, Nyx, by the way.
[00:21:09] Speaker B: Oh, God.
